Moving forward after someone’s death

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Photo of an African man.

My father died in December 2001. In a few years I will have lived more of my life without him than with him.

It’s weird how someone can be in your life, your presence, your existence for over 7000 days and suddenly they’re gone. Then you face an unknown number of days without them. And you have to go on. Without them.

It seems almost cruel, moving forward in life without them. Acting as though they weren’t here. As if they’d never existed. My father, who very obviously contributed to my existence, no longer exists.

I’m not going to get into the afterlife. I’m just taking about this temporal life—the here and now.

October 26 will be 1 year since my grandmother passed away. She was 2 weeks shy of 107. She was housebound and bed-ridden for some time. Her memory faded and dementia set in when she was 103. By the time she passed, she didn’t know who I was.

And one day, someone will cease to know who I am. But it’s important for me to know that no matter what, my existence matters. My dad’s existence mattered and he meant the world to me. I miss my grandmother even though I don’t think of her every day. Sure she was almost 107, but she was still a human being and her existence mattered.

I’ll save my wish for death by 70 for another post.

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