Stories I tell myself

There’s a Christian children’s song called “Jesus Loves Me.” The simple lyrics are as follows:

Jesus loves me
This I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak when he is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

Sometimes my mind likes to twist and pervert the lyrics.

No one loves me
This I know
Because I tell myself so
I belong down in a grave
Where no one can help or save
No, no one loves me
No, no one loves me
No, no one loves me
Because I tell me so

Of course this is not true. But it feels true. Distinguishing between what is true and what is false is sometimes a hard task for me.

Impostor Syndrome

nervousI’m an editor with 14 years of experience. (FOURTEEN YEARS? WOW. Where did the time go?) Because of my “expertise,” I’ve been asked to give presentations at work about the importance of editing and why project managers at my ad agency should use it. (Utilize? haha) I put expertise in quotation marks because I don’t feel like I’m much of an expert with less than 20 years of experience. But even with 20 years of experience, I still think I’d feel like a novice.

I try to tell myself that I’m qualified to speak on editing in medicine and pharma. I’ve been copy editing since 2004. I’m good, right? I’ve worked in the ad industry for 10 years. I successfully freelanced for the majority of that time.

But I still struggle with the idea of what makes me qualified to speak on editing. What do I bring to the table that no one else does? And I can’t figure that out. Maybe it’s my experience in pharma? My experience in marketing & advertising?

I also realize that I have impostor syndrome. Even though I probably know more than I think I do, I project this air of confidence that I’m so smart and know what I’m talking about. You can take the impostor syndrome test here.

I’m scared of failure. I’m scared of someone saying,”That doesn’t make sense at all. Do you really know what you’re talking about?” I’ve been told I’m a good presenter, but I loathe it because I think I’m never good enough. (I could’ve said this differently or I could’ve done that differently.) I always reflect on the things that went wrong rather than the things that went right. I’m SUPER aware of my flaws (uh, um, ah, well) and maybe have a poor read on the audience’s reaction. (Although I don’t think I do. They tend to look otherwise occupied or bored.)

All I want to do is make myself proud. Feel content with where I am professionally. And I don’t know that I ever will.

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My mom visited for the week. And I survived. Somehow.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Except for a few critical comments in the beginning of the week, she was pretty nice and compliant. But then again, I was sick with a migraine on and off during the week so that sucked.

Last week was a tough week workwise. It was busy. The work was challenging, and I enjoyed it. Too bad the company I’m on loan for isn’t hiring at my pay level in my city. And there’s no way I’m taking a pay cut and moving. But editing social media is getting VERY old. I work in pharma! This is supposed to be challenging work, doggone it!

Son’s behavior is still tough. He’s asserting his independence, pushing the boundaries, and seeing how far he can take it. And he’s taking it so far that he’s driving me and my husband nuts. I had a short fuse with him this week but I need to work on being more patient with him. He’s learning. A LOT. And I need to recognize that and be cognizant of it.

The last few days have been a bear. I had a migraine for 3 consecutive days with nausea on and off. Ginger ale has been my BFF. I’ve purposely eaten terribly so i could throw up but that hasn’t happened yet. The nausea is still pretty bad tho.

Speaking of BFFs, I was supposed to meet with a friend on Friday and enjoy a day of pub hopping in Philly. I had this planned for MONTHS. Now I’m stuck in bed writing a blog post, dealing with a migraine, and fighting off nausea. Luckily i have my bucket nearby. All is well to catch any upchuck.

my mom will be visiting for the next week. If I survive, I will tell you all about my harrowing experience.

the eccentric and erratic editor

my life needs editing. —mort sahl

welcome to the blog of the eccentric editor. i’m your host, K, an editor who’s eccentric and erratic. why those things other than the fact that they’re alliterative with editor?

  • i am an odd duck. you’ll discover how and why as this blog progresses.
  • my posts will be all over the place. myriad, i think, is what they call it. consistent topics on certain days but i don’t have a real niche in mind for this blog.
  • i’m an editor by day and eccentric by night. only erratic in blogging.

i’m taking an e.e. cummings approach with my blog. lowercase letters (except for proper nouns). because it’s hip. and Millennial. and all the things. i think.

you’ll also discover that i’m not hip and that i hate being a Millennial.

welcome to my blog. i like GIFs, memes, music, and other stupid internet stuff. i might wax intellectual occasionally when it suits me. here’s the proposed outline for this blog as it develops:

  • struggle sunday: problem of the week
  • myriad monday: myriad topic of the week
  • tuesday inspiration: inspiration of the week
  • word (to yo’ momma) wednesday: word of the week
  • thursday tunes: song of the week
  • friday feelings: emotions of the week
  • soapbox saturday: rant of the week

i don’t plan on publishing all of this right out of the gate but i’m hoping that i’ll at least be able to post tuesday, wednesday, and thursday—three times a week. let’s make this as easy and simple as possible.

and try to avoid using caps. (autocorrect probably won’t let me, though.)