3000 Questions – Perfect Happiness

3000-Questions-Main

As part of my attempts to stretch my creative writing juices, I’ll be posting answers to a book of 3000 Questions About Me.

Question 1: What is your idea of perfect happiness?

This would go back to the idea of “heaven”—a place without pain, sadness, or sin. However, my view of heaven has changed. I no longer believe in a mythical place out in the ether somewhere. I believe that heaven will be placed on this earth, as a new and restored world, where God finally reigns as king and oversees all. Where, even though we have a knowledge of good and evil, we choose to do good.

Tuesday Tunes

Tuesday Tunes

Last week, I posted about BarlowGirl and my love for one of their songs, “Surrender.” I also wanted to post another song by the band, one that has gotten me through really dark times, including through suicidal thoughts. The song is called “Never Alone.” I even purchased a journal from the band with the inscription, “Although you’re invisible, I’ll trust the unseen.”

It’s really hard to trust the “unseen,” sometimes. I don’t believe in the “Universe.” I believe in a higher, divine power who is the author and creator of all things. He created this world and continue to create, through nature, animals, and humans, and he is writing a story for each of our lives. As someone who has written a few novels (unpublished at the current time), I really believe in the sense of “no coincidences.” An author weaving words, chapters, and sections together that creates a book called Life. I’ve created characters and given them laughter, sadness, and confusion. I’ve weaved events together so that the characters in my book go, “Hmm. What an intersection of events. This is weird.” So it’s not unusual for me to think, OK, I went from thinking I wouldn’t have a second kid to having the dilemma of possibly having too many in the form of viable embryos.

In spite of all this, no matter how dark things get, I try to keep in mind that I’m “never alone.”

Once eccentric, now just disappearing

I started this blog as the eccentriceditor for content’s sake. I didn’t really want to name my site eccentric (I forgot I wanted to use the word eclectic.) I probably wouldn’t have changed the name of the blog if it had been eclecticeditor. Alas, here I am now.

Black Girl in the USA—girl disappearing (what on earth’s occuring?)

Why girldisappearing.com? Well, I bought the domain name because I love the Tori Amos song and thought it would be a good blog site (easy to type and remember). Then I decided to rename it to Black Girl in the USA. You’d think I have commitment issues. I guess I do when it comes to writing and blogging. I’ve been married for 13 years so I have no problems with fidelity there. But I will cheat on my other blogs. I will probably cheat on this one after a while, too. In the past, I’ve written about:

  • Mental health/mental illness
  • Psychiatric drugs
  • Infertility
  • Childlessness (I know, I have a kid now, but it goes along with the infertility part)
  • Postpartum depression/OCD
  • Christian beliefs
  • Books
  • Music
  • Current events

I’d like to take this blog in a different direction. Not just talk about my life, but provide regular content on different things. I won’t say NOTHING is off-limits but I plan on being pretty open about my political leanings, my thoughts on current events, the music I love, and the iPhone apps I ADORE.

And Bitmojis. All the Bitmojis, y’all.

thursday

One of my favorite Christian bands in the whole wide world is BarlowGirl. Although they retired the band in 2012, their music still lives on and rings true.

I have a few favorites—it’s hard to pick one really since so many of their songs have made a difference in my life—but “Surrender” is the one song that has always really resonated with me. Just about surrendering my life and my heart to God.

Stories I tell myself

There’s a Christian children’s song called “Jesus Loves Me.” The simple lyrics are as follows:

Jesus loves me
This I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to him belong
They are weak when he is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

Sometimes my mind likes to twist and pervert the lyrics.

No one loves me
This I know
Because I tell myself so
I belong down in a grave
Where no one can help or save
No, no one loves me
No, no one loves me
No, no one loves me
Because I tell me so

Of course this is not true. But it feels true. Distinguishing between what is true and what is false is sometimes a hard task for me.